Do you tell your teens that they should study hard for their good? If so, it’s time to stop saying this immediately. Why? Because if you tell your teens to study hard for their good, they’ll be less likely to study hard.
In this article, I’ll give you three reasons why. I’ll also share with you three tips to help your teenagers develop intrinsic motivation. The Bureau of Labor Statistics published this chart. It shows that students who perform well in school and get more educational credentials have a higher salary on average,
and students who study hard are more likely to perform well in school. But if you want to motivate your teens you shouldn’t tell them to study hard for their benefit. Here’s the first reason.
Lack of Desire for a Better Life:
Most teens aren’t hungry for a “better life”. When I say this, I’m referring to teenagers who live in developed countries where most teenagers have more material things than they need.
More shoes than they need, more clothes than they need, more electronic devices than they need. In contrast, one or two generations ago, most people experienced real hardship.
For example, my parents and grandparents grew up with far less materially speaking than I did. From an early age it was obvious to my parents that if they wanted to have a more comfortable life in the future, they needed to work hard in school.
Their teachers and parents told them that education was the key to success, and in that day and age it was true. Today, many teens already lead lives of comfort or even lives of luxury. Most of them subconsciously assume that their lives will continue to be comfortable regardless of how hard they try in school.
I’ve even worked with unmotivated teenagers from wealthy families who said to me, “I’ve already calculated the value of my inheritance. I won’t need to work a day in my life.” Because many teenagers have grown up with so much, they don’t feel the need to work hard so they can own even more nice things. They already own plenty of nice things. This means that the desire to achieve more doesn’t motivate them to study hard in the same way it motivated people one or two generations ago. This is why it isn’t effective to tell your teens to study hard so they can have a better life in the future.
The Need for a Sense of Contribution:
Teens want to feel as if their lives are significant, but studying doesn’t help them feel this way. I’ve been working with teenagers around the world for over a decade.
I’ve come to realize that all teenagers want to feel as if they’re contributing. When they feel like they’re contributing, they also feel as if their lives are significant. This enables them to be more motivated and purpose-driven. What does this have to do with studying hard? Plenty. The direct message most students receive in school is that they should study hard to get good grades, so they’ll be able to get a good job, so they’ll be able to enjoy a comfortable life.
The indirect message most students receive is that they won’t make a real contribution until after they’ve completed their formal education. What’s more, schools tend to emphasize achievement, both in academics and other activities. But what teens crave is a sense that they’re contributing, that their lives are useful to others. Teens say to me, “If I study hard I get A’s. if I don’t study hard, I fail. Either way, nothing about the world changes.” This statement bears more truth than parents and educators would like to admit.
The Delayed Rewards of Studying Hard:
The rewards of studying hard are too far in the future. As we talked about earlier, schools tell students the story that they should study hard so they can get more educational credentials.
Then they can get a job that pays them well. But this story doesn’t inspire teens. For many teens, they’re only going to complete their formal education in another five or 10 years, maybe even longer than that. If you ask teenagers to wait just one year to get a new phone or computer or pet, that already seems like an eternity to them.
But we’re expecting teens to work hard in school for the next five or 10 years or longer because of the reward they’ll get at that point in the distant future? That’s not going to happen, especially when teenagers today are growing up in an age of instant gratification. Even the least motivated teens I’ve worked with understand that it’s for their good that they study hard. but the benefits they’ll reap are too far down the road to keep them motivated now.
Emphasize Contribution Over Achievement:
Focus more on contribution and less on achievement. One important purpose of education is to equip students with the knowledge and skills so they can contribute. Andrew Fuligni and many other researchers have found that contribution is the foundation of a meaningful life and of intrinsic motivation.
This is true for teenagers too. So it’s unfortunate that most teenagers don’t think too much about how they can contribute. Instead, they spend a lot more time thinking about what they want to, or are supposed to, achieve.
This often leaves them feeling unmotivated and uninspired. What’s the alternative? Emphasize contribution above achievement. Try to do this in the way you speak to your teens about what goes on in their lives. Help them see that there are always ways in which they can help and serve others. Take practical steps to communicate this message too.
For example, as a family, you could get involved in a regular volunteering activity, like helping out at a soup kitchen, tutoring younger children, or doing charity work.
I’ve observed that teens who engage in such activities voluntarily at least once or twice a month become more aware of their responsibilities toward others. This helps them to adopt a more positive mindset when it comes to fulfilling their responsibilities as a student.
There’s no point forcing your teens to volunteer if they refuse to, but you can always start by setting a good example for them. Even at home, there are many ways for your teens to contribute.
Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome:
Focus more on the process and less on the outcome. Instead of asking your teens what grades they’re getting, turn your attention toward the process by asking questions like…
What did you try hard at? What did you fail at? What challenges did you face? What will you do differently next time? Share with your teens the challenges you face and what you’re doing to overcome those challenges.
This approach will remind your teens that the process is what matters most, not the outcome. Emphasize to them that grades are just a form of feedback and that grades are never an end in themselves.
Foster a Culture of Learning at Home:
Create a culture of learning at home. Your teens are watching you, so if you lead by example, they’ll be more likely to develop a positive learning attitude. Periodically share with your teens
- what books you’ve been reading,
- what courses you’ve been taking,
- what fears you’ve been overcoming,
- what skills you’ve been learning,
- what character traits you’ve been developing?
My parents did this consistently when I was growing up, and it had a huge impact on my attitude toward lifelong learning. If you do this in a non-preachy way in your family, your teenagers will internalize the message that learning is meaningful and fun. More importantly, they’ll start to understand that getting better is its own reward.
When they believe this for themselves, they’ll study hard because they’ll enjoy the process of learning and improving. Take a moment to think about the long-term goals you have for your teens.
These goals are probably related to your teens becoming kind, courageous, resilient, and trustworthy. You probably also want your teens to love learning, to find fulfillment in life, to serve others, to build meaningful relationships, and to lead lives of purpose.